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This is not necessarily "by design", but definitely falls within vanilla Stellaris diplomacy mechanics...
You'd think... Maybe some odd quirk in the diplomacy mechanics that they're happy for you to join, but then when losing the (presumed) association bonus it's enough to tip them over to disliking you enough to bail, or something like that...
Clearly though, there is something there which is causing them to exit which ever coalition you join, so I would suggest using some of the diplomatic options available through the UFP council to boost your rep with them, along with sending them resources for the trade bonus, before joining in future, and see if that is enough to get them to stay...