Recent reviews by Elephants Doing Crack

Opposing Force is really fu cking good, like holy ♥♥♥♥♥ !!!! This game is so neck and neck for me between HL1 and this game. Half-life 1 wins though, but barely. This game is fu cking astounding, I wouldn’t be surprised if the developers were on drugs when making this game.

PROS:
- I love the weapons in this game so much; my favorite being the Spore Launcher and it's my favorite HL weapon in general. There are so many fu cking weapons in this game, like what the fu ck why? BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! GAVE ME YOUR FU CKING WEAPONS!!! AARRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ummmm?? Sorry about that, I don’t know what that was.
- The story is really good, you play as Adrian Shephard, a marine sent in to clean up the Black Mesa incident. It’s really good man trust me.
- YOU DON’T PLAY THROUGH MUCH OF XEN!! FU CK YEAH!!!
- I love the new enemies too, really good
- For some reason, this game is really fu cking HARD!!!!! And I like that.

Okay so everything else is pretty much in my HL1 review for pros because it’s an expansion pack, so it’s basically the same game. Now for the cons…….

CONS:
- This game is too short, I want to play more ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!
- Honestly, I don’t care much for the soundtrack. A lot of the tracks feel like they have the same beat. WTF!!???
- I hate the ending because Shephard never comes back in the future games. I’ve always wanted a conclusion to his story, but it never happened. There are some mods out there that do try, like HL2 awakening……….. does anyone remember that mod? No? Same here. Well, there’s Prospekt on stream: sorry Rich but your game sucks asss and I didn’t enjoy it. But it’s not on my worst mods list of all time like Wilson Chronicles and HTDF, so there’s that. Anyways Rich, please put your money to good use, I’m counting on you. *KISS ON THE FOREHEAD* Hopfully you're doing something with that money, right???? Since I mentioned Wilson Chronicles and HDTF, I might as well say how HDTF is worse than when England touched the fu cking White House back in 1814, and Wilson Chronicles makes me want to have a fu cking lobotomy. There’s Opposing Force 2, looks awesome and fun. TO BAD IT’S FU CKING DEAD AND LOST FOREVER!!! You know, I don't even care if he comes back in HL3 and all he does is just takes a ♥♥♥♥♥ and then dies right after. I just what to know what the happened to him.

Yeah, that’s about it for me, I love this game from my heart to my di ck. But don’t play this game first if you've never played Half-life before, play Half-life 1 first then play this game. Anyways, I love you OPFOR!!!

God I love Half-life! It's just a fu cking awesome game that's still fun to this day. This was the first video game that I played when I was a kid, and it possibly shaped me of who I am today. What Valve created here was a masterpiece and should be played by everyone.

PROS:
- The weapons are fun as hell to use. My favorite weapons pack is the default one. In my opinion, I'm not that big of a fan for the HD pack, though I like the shotgun model. My favorite weapon in this game is the Gauss Gun, what a great weapon.
- The enemies are amazing and iconic. There's variety between the enemies like the marines, headcrabs, bullsquid, alien grunts, alien slaves etc. Some of the enemies have armor that reflexes your bullets; there's a specific spot where you have to hit them in sometimes.
- The story is interesting and fun, the dialogue is also iconic and entertaining.
- The gameplay is fun as hell and I still find myself wanting to play it today.
- The protagonist is also iconic. But the best part is that you are Gordon Freeman, you can kill people in this game and you get no consequences for it. You get to imagine who Gordon Freeman is, is he crazy, a hero, a villain, an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, a kind person, all the above perhaps? You can imagine who he is and go wild.
- The setting is also interesting. Black Mesa has so many mysteries behind it, it made me want to know more about this company. I just want explore more and learn more about the fu cked up company known as "Black Mesa." I really think Black Mesa is the main character in this game because you are there for most of the game. When you keep going down or exploring the facility the place gets more unwelcoming as you continue; the place keeps getting rustier and you learn information that wasn't meant to be seen by the human eye.
- The G-man is the most mysterious character in gaming of all time. I love this guy because of that.
- The detail in this game is amazing. There’s still a ton of stuff in this game that I’m not aware of, the roaches have their own A.I., the houndeye investigate machinery, when enemies are injured they run away etc. There’s just so much detail in this game, sometimes I’ll find out something I didn’t know before like a item in a specific spot or something else

CONS:
- Xen, an alien planet that's a borderworld beyond our reality, was probably the weakest part of the game for me. The concept though is amazing, it’s so unhuman and different. But that’s also the problem, different from the other parts of the game; people have trouble with the jumps, ammo becomes scarce, zero gravity effects the combat, and those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ alien controllers (the alien controller is the worst enemy ever made in a game)
- uuummmmmmmmmmmm…………………………………….. IDK what else to say that’s bad about the game. I love everything about Half-life, I don’t have too many problems with it (That I can think of off the top of my head)

Basically, this game is incredible and should be played by everyone. This is my favorite FPS game of all time; if it wasn’t for this game, then I could have not gotten into gaming when I was young (obviously I would have gotten into gaming, but not as soon) But wait!!!!! There’s even a modding community out there for this game, and it’s still going strong. A lot of those mods are also incredible and should be played. I really love this game, really I do. It’s hard to think that Valve once cared.



Edit:

I forgot to say how it's Half-life's 20th Anniversary.
UUMM..Happy bIrthday Half-life, I love you deeply!!!!!!!!!

Hey does anybody remember this game? I thought it sucked asss!! My choices don't fu cking matter, the characters and plot are fu cking boring. Cutting my ball sack with a razor blade is more interesting than these fu cking characters. OH YEAH!!! Telltale is fu cking dead, the developers who made this game can go choke on a fu cking ♥♥♥♥ in a alleyway.

DON'T FU CKING BUY THIS GAME!!! BUY SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE!!! But if you want a Telltale's game, then buy Wolf Among us, the Batman series, I guess Borderlands (didn't play it), or The Walking dead.

This game is plssing in a Pringles box and handing it to someone. 4/10 WHY A FOUR? Because the final battle was interesting and the game is short.

UMMMMMM............... I played it and it's not a good or bad mod. Nobody plays it. ummmm.... I got nothing man.
Why is this on stream? All the mods that could have come on stream, fu ck them all this mod dood. I guess it's interesting to look at for 3 minutes but that's it. I don't hate this mod, there's new weapons and enemies so it gets an extra point. However, there's nothing much for me to talk about.


Well at least it's better than HDTF and Wilson Chronicles. Also it doesn't charge money.

What was this game again? I forgot

This game is sh!t and here's why:

but first, I'll start with the pros:

- I love the idea of playing as Shephard again, I always wanted a conclusion to his story. But every time a mod has him in it, it's worse than a dying fetus. It's like everything he is in sucks, but some mods look promising like Opposing Force 2, too bad it's dead.
- Xen was pretty cool, and yes that one section that takes 2 minutes and 14 seconds (YES I TIMED IT)
- I like the new combine voices, I can hear them, so that's cool.............I guess
-Some of the levels look nice, too bad that doesn't really matter to me.
-UUUUUMMMMM........................................................................ I guess that's it.

WOW, I couldn't even be positive for the pros section, shows how much I 'love' this game.

CONS:
- THERE ARE TOO MANY F!CKING ENEMIES, LIKE HOLY SH!T I BARELY HAVE ANY AMMO AND IM LOW ON HEALTH.
- The environment sucks, sometimes I have no idea where I'm at, these places look nothing like a combine base; one place looked like a swimming pool IDK
- NO NEW WEAPONS
- NO NEW ENEMIES
- THE STORY MAKES NO SENSE, I'M SUPPOSE TO BE HELPING FREEMAN IN THIS GAME. First, WHAT DID I EVEN DO? I DIDN'T DO SH!T THAT WOULD HAVE HELP GORDON.
-Why do I have hev hands? I'm Shephard, right?
- THIS GAME IS TEN DOLLARS???????????

Don't buy this game, I would rather see a woman giving birth on youtube than to play this game again. Seriously though, I'm really F!CKING p!ssed off after playing this game. The reason why I'm p!ssed off is because this game is still ten F!CKING dollars, what drugs was valve smoking? If this game wasn't ten dollars, I wouldn't be complaining, BUT IT'S NOT!!! I had to add in a wrench by myself and all of this other sh!t, and I couldn't even beat the game a second time, that's how much I hate it. In my opinion, if a mod costs money: it should be only five dollars or lower, unless it's something like Black Mesa level of a mod than make it above five dollars. In conclusion, this game is a load of horse sh!t Do not buy this game, if you really want to, get it on a sale (like I did) but you'll probably gonna regret buying this game, and you'll probably wanna die, like me.

But, at least it's better than................well.............................. you know what mod I'm talking about.

GOODNIGHT, I wanna die




UPDATE:

Well, the developer saw my review, something I was not expecting. I've never really had a developer talk to me before, except for Wilson Chronicles when a developer banned my review and wrote a rude comment to me, then I somehow accidentally deleted the comment. That one guy could not take criticism, it wasn't just me, apparently, he did the same thing to multiple people. But then I saw some guy's review for Prospekt; well actually it was a comparison for what was changed in the updates. After the video, I realized that the developer is dedicated to Prospekt, he tries to fix the issues and do what he can to make the game more fun, and I respect that. I made my review sound like it's the worst game in the world, but it's not because at least the game doesn't crash every ten seconds, at least the game is playable, at least there are no ERRORS signs everywhere, the developer takes criticism unlike Wilson Chronicles, and this game can be interesting at parts, for example, the part when you go to the place where Gordon and Alyx got in the teleporter. AKA, this game is so much better than HDTF. Some of my complaints were only minors because it's just one guy who is working this. Anyways, this mod isn't the worst thing ever made, there are so many other mods out there that suck, like HDTF. I think I was being too harsh in my review, I feel like an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for some of the things I said, although some of my opinions still stand, I agree that I shouldn't have be hostile about it. After seeing the video I mentioned earlier, I appreciate this mod more and how dedicated the developer is.

Just don't buy HDTF

Entropy Zero is one of my favorite Half-life mods out there.

This mod sh*ts on Hunt Down The Freeman. Hunt Down The Freeman wanted players to feel like the bad guy, however, that mod was like someone p*ssing on a pizza and pouring salt all over it.
But, Entropy Zero is like having a pizza that is perfectly cooked and tastes f*cking delicious.
This mod feels like something that Valve made. I would even go as far as saying this mod feels canon to the Half-life lore. But, enough talk, let’s talk about the mod.

PROS:

- You play as a metrocop named “Bad Cop." The protagonist even has some dialogue; it sounds terrible on paper, but it somehow fits remarkably well. I ended up loving Bad Cop as a character. Fun fact: Bad Cop's dialogue is actually cut lines that were made by Valve.

You explore an abandoned urban area known as “City 10.” The district seems to be held up by rebels. The story was engaging because of the environment and fun combat. I also thought the ending was excellent.
- I love the new gun reworks. They feel like new guns because they have recoil, different damage ratios, and different sounds. I loved firing the AR2, which feels more like an LMG. The manhacks were like snarks from HL1. The rest of the weapons (pistol. shotgun and SMG) have different stats in recoil, damage, and sound. The shotgun sounds f*cking outstanding, in my opinion.
- The enemies were pretty fun to fight as well. The Vortigaunts were an interesting enemy to fight. I heard some people say how they hated fighting the vortigaunts, I personally thought it was a change in pace and different.
Killing the rebels feels incredible because of how the developer tweaked the weapons.
- The soundtrack is a mix between HL2 classics tracks but remixed, and original tracks. The soundtrack is fantastic and fits the mood amazingly well. I loved greater things await.

CONS:

- The level design kind of sucks: the first time I played this mod, I got lost so many times that I lost count. I had some game breaking issues, for example, I used a barrel to get passed a laser ( I wasn’t supposed to do that). I DON’T KNOW WHY THE DEVELOPER COULDN’T HAVE MADE THAT MORE F*CKING CLEAR!!? I know it’s just one person, but ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!
After playing 18 hours of this mod, in the timing of this review, I can somewhat understand what the developer was trying to do in some areas; but, all it needed was some more playtesting.
- The Stalker escort mission is a tremendous issue with people when it comes to this mod. I understand why, but, I didn’t find it as frustrating as some people did. That’s because I am a patient individual and I can put up with it. BUT OH GOD, IT’S STILL AWFUL!!! You can’t see for sh*t and the stalker is your only source of light. The stalker dies really easily too.
That was my least favorite part of the whole mod.
- You get a disease in the mod and it’s not even all that damaging or frightening. It’s easy to reduce it because medical stations are all over the mod. My point is that: it has no purpose being in this mod, I forget that it’s even in the mod.


I still love this mod, even though it has these flaws. I completed all of the achievements and made my own fan art for the sequel. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that THIS MOD IS GOING TO HAVE A SEQUEL!!!?? I can’t f*cking wait for it. The developer now has a team with him and they’re making so much progress. I am currently following everything they’re doing.

Here is Entropy Zero’s website: https://www.entropyzeromod.com/
The Mod DB page for EZ 2: https://www.moddb.com/mods/entropy-zero-2
Also here is my artwork for EZ 2 ( I made it when EZ2 was first announced ):
https://steamhost.cn/steamcommunity_com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1502107032
Finally, here is Breadman’s youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKUf3_sFJynn4BeWCJTIz5w/videos

I would give this mod a strong 8/10.

Breadman, if you’re reading this review, I want to say thank you for Entropy Zero 1 and I hope Entropy Zero 2 turns out well. You gave me an enjoyable experience.

Doki Doki is an okay game. I think the game is...................................wait hold on, there's something over here just hold on for a se.......................................OH ♥♥♥♥ 89+8957gftop07ueisf8uqwet76gf32





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GDKO LD




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Get Wolfenstein New Order or Old Blood, those game are actually fun to play. This game disappointed the hell out of me.

YOU CAN PLAY AS DONALD TRUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10/10


EDIT:

Why the hell did I play 74 hours of this game?