Well here we are again... (Hmmm... Deja vu.)

Anyway, welcome to the 7th Evolutionary tree guide. You all know the drill and you probably don't read this anyway, so onward!

NOTE: This guide was started after the update came out, but the guide title already existed. So no bread jokes.

Yep, that's right. The ONLY class with no "Baby [Class]".

Little Baby Men (now known as LBMs) are stupid. Therefore, they're great at Heavy. They stay mindlessly revved up, punch at all opportunities, and freak out at missing 30 health.

Scenario:
Anyone who has played Spy successfully for 30 seconds has seen one of these guys. It's like they're on your team! They also tend to get pocketed as an added bonus.

Loadout:
Stock
Stock or Sandvich if they're desperate
Stock or KGB

Location: Usually at their base or slugging their way to the enemy.

Advantages: These guys play Defense Heavy perfectly (he's the third section), if not as tactically. They screw over Pyros and anyone who comes around a corner without shooting first. Also, it's like they're a Medic magnet.

Disadvantages: Spies and, on rare occasions, Snipers.

How to beat them: See Disadvantages, or send in the SollyKritz.

ICB Heavies can think! They're also the only ACTIVELY thinking heavies.

ICB Heavies actually plan every move they make at least one second in advance. They understand the entire battle and will pick off obvious key targets, even if they're not the best suited to do so. They also have keen eyes and ears, so Spies should be very cautious about uncloaking.

Scenario: While playing on Sawmill, you see a heavy who uses a sawblade for cover and nails a scout who tries to flank him. You, being a decent Spy, uncloak and disguise on the other side of the blade, but he hears you and wrecks you when you turn the corner.

Loadout:
Depends on enemy team composition, decent with all heavy weps.

Location:
A little behind the front of the battle or at the front, shooting everything in an orderly fashion.

Advantages: They recognize key targets like Medics and will kill them first, and they're also prepared for everything.

Disadvantages: Have you ever seen a Heavy try to cross-map a Sniper? Yeah. That.

How to beat them: Snipers are good for killing heavies, period. Also, ICB heavies prioritize Medics over enemy Heavies or Soldiers, so just meatshield your Medic, people.

Well, there's not much to say here. Heavies are sorted by position and disposition. You'll see what I mean.

Heavies:

At the base, just waiting? Defensive Heavy.

On the front lines? Tank Heavies.

Being sneaky? Fat Scouts.

Being peaceful Commie Hippies (According to Soldier)? Friendly Heavy.

Paired with a Medick? Angry Heavy.

Punching through enemies without a care? Warrior Heavies.

Just sit. That's how heavy works.

Defensive heavies are more creative LBMs. They change spots, use the Tomislav if they want to be brainless, and always keep alert.

Scenario:
Every Dispenser-camping Heavy ever who always seems to change spots JUST as you realize how to take him down or flank him.

Loadout:
Tomislav/Stock/H-LH (If dispenser)
Doesn't use
KGB for lolz punch crit.

Location:
A turtle that turtles inside another turtle who is also turtling. (No, I'm not going crazy, it's just late at night.)

Advantages: Silent or ring of fire, Insane close-range suprise attack strength [Slightly Patched]

Disadvantages: Suprises, generally of the "Right behind you" type.

How to beat him: Either use Spies or catch him off guard, whether he's moving spots or just inattentive. He can't hear you if you don't shoot, too.

Don't do this, people. Shoot the guy CLOSEST to you, not the full-uber Medic halfway across the map.

Anyway, Tank Heavies are arrogant, selfish, and very hard to kill. They're a medic magnet and they just REFUSE to back down until either everyone has died or his reanimated corpse has fallen apart. Seriously tough.

Scenario:
You, going mini-sentry Engi on Attack Dustbowl second cap, spawn, load up your building menu, step outside spawn, and get absolutely destroyed before you even register the minigun spin sound. Repeat until the match ends or a lucky Spy spycaps.

Loadout:
Whatever kills more people
Sandvich/Dalokohs Bar (In case your medic sucks, you can still be a tank)
Unused, maybe GRU.

Location: Usually showing Engies how pointless their level three sentries are.

Advantages: Was that a crocket? Was I supposed to die there?

Disadvantages: I love instakills.

How to beat him: Just keep whacking away or send in the Spies.

Doesn't know what a minigun is or just sold the bullets to buy Shotgun ammo. Also, Soviet Russia is also apparently America.

Fat Scouts are Heavies that actually understand the benefits of getting into shape and have done so by copying their role model: the Scout. They kinda suck at it, though. They are weak without maneuverability and refuse to use their strongest weapons. You see these guys at the graveyard more than the battlefield.

Scenario:
Actually playing a defensive Demoman (who does that anymore?), you notice that your stickies are getting destroyed, so you detonate and go to place more. Suprise! There's a heavy with a shotgun pointing at you. You lay 3 stickies at his feet and kill him before he gets 2 shots off.

Loadout:
What's a minigun?
Stock/FB
KGB/GRU/Eviction Notice

Location: Trying desperately to be sneaky like Scout.

Advantages: Very few, except tankiness.

Disadvantages: [Alphabetical List, not complete] Backstabs, Bonk, burning, charging, crits, decapitation, Demoman, Engineer, headshots, Heavy, Medic, melee, milk, pee, Pyro, rockets, reflections, Sandvich, Scout, Sniper, Soldier, Spy.

How to beat him: Use one of the things listed above.

*Falls out of chair laughing at picture* This really isn't related, but that face... XD

Friendly Heavies want to be Santa, handing out delicious Sandviches to all of the good little mercs, regardless of if they're RED or BLU. And then he gets blown up.

Scenario:
A crouching Heavy in a Santa hat holding a Sandvich comes around a corner and makes no move to attack you (being a near-defenseless Sniper). You pass by him, hear a crocket launch sound, and watch the meat bits fall from the sky. You pick up the Santa hat, keep calm, and carry on.

Loadout:
Tomislav for quick defense
Sandviches for everyone!
Usually the Holiday Punch.

Location: He wants to be pulled on a sled by some raindeer, but he's doing some squat-walks to lose weight and fit in the sleigh.

Advantages: May slip under the radar since he's friendly, and a mobile Dispenser or health kit.

Disadvantages: Next to defenseless, attracts people to him who die with him.

How to beat him:














You NEVER attack a Friendly Heavy.

When in doubt, just start wrecking things.

Angry Heavies, also known as Rage Heavies, have burned one too many times, and have started to fly off the handle. That being said, they're often mocked for their stupidity.

Scenario: Heavies that come out of spawn already firing. We're winning and pushing the enemy back, but he's still shooting. That guy.

Loadout:
What's already there?

Location: Six feet underground for about 90% of his time playing.

Advantages: Insane skil at targeting opponents.

Disadvantages: Stupid and hasty.

How to beat him: See Fat Scout Disadvantages.

Oh crap.

Warrior Heavies are fearsome beasts that can mow through hordes of enemies using nothing but their fists and a 25-bullet burst of point-blank minigun rounds. But what could cause this (sort of) gentle giant to go into such a frenzy that he will snap anyone who stands in his way in two?















This. This moment is when the Spy should have already landed on Mars if he wants any chance of surviving.

Scenario: Every Badass Heavy ever.

Loadout:
Stock or HLH if slightly paranoid.
Sandvich
KGB

Location: Tracking down that Spy. Or anyone else.

Advantages: Like a fat Neo, just will not get hit by bullets.

Disadvantages: Getting his Sandvich back (There's always time to eat a Sandvich).

How to beat him: Lucky Snipers or Spies.

One thing I want to make clear first. Every statement I've made regarding this guide and the others' order is true. Now go see if you can find the HUGE hint as to what my end-of-series suprise is.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for reading this guide all the way through. If you want to, here's my group on Steam for you guys to join.

https://steamhost.cn/steamcommunity_com/groups/tipstrickssubclasses

Also, here are links to the last two guides.

https://steamhost.cn/steamcommunity_com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=265511554

https://steamhost.cn/steamcommunity_com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=257220045

For all of you who are still in school, have a great summer, and thanks to everyone who takes some time out of their way to read my guides and unwind.