This does not stop courtiers, counsellors, wives etc going to grand rites:(

They are all ignoring the 'don't leave'

automation would be great, clicking every court member:O

Or a blanket rule that keeps everyone at court?

Hope these options are poss:)

can you make it automated? I want to keep all my family together,no one leaves

I do have a mod called 'active courtiers' which has an event that gives the player the choice to recruit people. It is available to AI rulers too, but the opposing ruler has to approve their courtier leaving. I did not get a prompt to approve her to leave, but the mod may have an issue.

might also be a different mod causing problems

This only seems to work sometimes. Notably it did not prevent my heir's spouse from randomly leaving. I even reloaded and gave her the High Almoner court position. Still didn't work and the and the position was vacated. I did get a notification at least. The mod works fine on other characters though. Seems like there is some special case for the heir's spouse or maybe spouses in general.

I have the save file if that will help you troubleshoot.

ps - If anyone is still having trouble. You can force the spouse to come back with debug mode. I did that and she hasn't left again the last few years.