Originally posted by Phreya™:

Originally posted by Not_Default:

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You niggas want more?

Originally posted by jim:

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You want more?

Drug candy and card-dealing like a boss :emofdr:

Originally posted by IDKBacon(ILY Dad):

MOOOAAARRR! I NEED MOAR!

Don't you fucking forget it. MOAR is on the way fam.

Did you acctually get expelled?

Originally posted by TheRamenLegion:

Originally posted by Not_Default:

Ya but it was worth it.

I once mad a $550 profit off of selling fake mewtwo cards

This was never about the money, I diden't even know what to spend it on. I just wanted to do it because it was hella fun.

Originally posted by jim:

Oh that must of taken long

Ya but it was worth it.

>Be me
>Be 4th grade
>Be wanting to get out of class
>Ask the teacher for a bathroom break
>"Okay anon sure just be back in five"
>The teachers had a system where if you went to the bathroom they set a 5 minute timer and if you weren't back after 5 minutes then you would get in trouble for skipping class and shit
>My best m8 Jessica sees that I'm obviously ditching and asks for a bathroom break to
>They second we are out of sight we start running up and down the stairwell because why not
>We run to the bottom floor of our school and run down the hallway next to the playground
>No classes by there so nobody will see up in the hallway
>Notice for the first time that there's a door that goes to a tiny hallway that exits the school
>Hell ya
>Open up door and am standing in the tiny connecter hallway between my school and freedom
>Inch open last door to see if its has an alarm on it (I one time tried going out the front door and I heard a beeping noise and our resource officer took me to the office)
>Its clean
>I look at jessica
>We both let out the biggest fucking grin without saying anything
>Look at clock
>We've been out of class for about 2 minutes now
>We have time
>There's a deli on the same block as my school sitting right around the corner
>Me and jess full throttle out of the school and into the deli
>Grab as much candy as the 10$ in my pocket could afford
>Slam it on the counter and yell at the asian guy to hurry
>He asks me where my parents are
>I give him the 1.50 of change and he stops asking question
>Stuff food into backpacks (we keep our backpacks outside of the room because the teachers say they distract us too much)
>Arrive back to class with about a minute to spare
>Go to lunch everybody is surprised that me and jessica are eating like kings
>Mission passed + respect
>The other kids want in on whatever I'm doing
>Me and jessica look at each other and at that moment come up with some thing brilliant
>"Give us your lunch money and we'll see what we can do"
>Fast forward a day
>Ask the teacher for my usual bathroom break
>Run to the deli
>Get requested food
>Put it in there backpacks
>Return to class
>This continues for about a week
>I do all the running and jessica takes can of putting in all the orders and writing me a shopping list everyday
>It's going great and we've actually made almost 100$
>The only problem is that 4th grades aren't so good at keeping their mouth shut but just good enough to not get us in trouble
>The teachers know that students are selling junk food to students but can't figure out who's doing in
>There even checking our backpacks on our way into school now to find who's supplying the junk food
>Teachers call us into the auditorium one day during recess
>They took away our fucking recess time
>FUCKING RESSES
>The teachers are trying to guilt trip us by talking about how certain people are allergic to food that we shouldn't be doing monetary transactions on school property and shit
>Game on fuckers
>Take the 100$ we earned
>Jessica gives me the greenlight on my plan
>Security has gotten more prevalent around the school due to the trading
>On my usual run I might be avoiding 1 or 2 teachers
>Ask to go to the bathroom one more time
>start walking down the hallway
>Get to the ground floor
>Policeblockade.sprite
>Teachers where littering the hallway
>I wasn't aware we even had this many working at the school
>There all crowding around my door
>Someone must have tipped them off
>While casually walking down the hallway I'm mentally calculating how much time I have
>I'm running out of time
>Walk into the restroom because it's the only place that is not suspicious
>One of those bathrooms that only has one toilet so the entire room locks
>There's a window next to the ceiling
>THERE'S A FUCKING WINDOW
>Climb up that stall and start wiggling that window open faster than sonic on acid
>Forcefully pop out the shitty little plastic lock
>Nothingcanstopme.mp4 jump out to the street below
>There's this one random guy walking on the street that sees a 10 year old yeet outta window and he's like wait wtf and we stare at each other without moving for like 10 seconds before I remember I have a mission
>Run into the deli, the guys like hey "Hey anon what'll it be today"
>Run up to the asian dude at the counter, hand him about 100$ and say:
>"Just stuff as much candy and junk food into this bag as this money can buy"
>I'll never forget what this man said to me:
>"You know kid, you look like your up to something important"
>he take my money, hands me a jumbo sized plastic bag, and says:
>"Go grab whatever you want before my manager gets back be quick about it"
>I tegga toppa gurren lagann on that snack aisle and add the asian dude to my do not kill list for when I take over the world
>Running as fast as I can
>Realize I'm not going to make it back to the bathroom and all the way back up the stairs in time
>Remember that the front door is quicker
>Yeet through the front door
>Fly outta there at mach 7
>All the teachers run over to the front door as I slip up the staircase like a boss
>Walk over to the backpack where I normally hide people food that they paid for
>Just dump the truckload of candy and snakes on to everybody's backpacks
>Lunchtime rolls up
>Go out to get our lunch
>Teacher sees the mess that "someone" made
>Before she can do anything the kids start raiding the stash and fighting over all the good shit
>Hallway descends into chaos
>Most of the kids walk off to lunch with there arms full of candy and junk
>Get to lunch
>Everybody praises me for everything I've done
>I am the thicc nigga
>All my comrades bow before the thicc nigga
>One Jessica hands me a slim jim
>And I bite down on it
>The most delicious fucking slim jim I've ever tasted
>The school actually do anything else
>I think they just gave up at this point
>Mfw every teacher was in a visibly rotten mood the entire week
>Mfw the school nurse came to us during class to explain ot us the danger of sharing food
>Mfw she did it twice
>Mfw I gave the biggest middle finger to the school for taking away recess time and got away with it
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You niggas want more?

Originally posted by Phreya™:

Originally posted by Not_Default:

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You guys want me to do more? 3rd and 4th grade me was a fucking beast.

Yass ples

Thanks for not quoting the entire greentext in your reply. when poeple do that it just makes everything so much longer.
Edit: I'll upload some more savage stories in a bit m8

>Be me
>Be in 3th grade
>Be the biggest nigga on the playground
>Srsly guys I was the top of the food chain at this school nobody fucked with me and my squad
>The only issue with being the greatest nigga that ever lived is you constantly have to be besting the second greatest niggas
>Be show and tell day
>I bring in a toy train from my model train collection
>Everybody thinks it fly as fuck
>Sit down and wait for the last few kids to present
>This one boi gets up on stage and does a magic trick where he pulls a giant streamer out from his intestines or whatever the fuck
>I know that it's a simple magic trick but at the time 3th grade us thought that this kid had some magical stomach or something, at least that's what he told us
>Couldn't let him steal all the fame away
>Later the let us out for recess and I'm walking around the school yard trying to come up with an idea of how to top his magic trick
>I walk up to the edge of the school yard and stare at the giant fence looming over me
>The fence that surrounds the school is about 10 or 12 feet tall
>It would be a shame if someone climbed over it
>Huehuehuehuehue
>Begin searching for the best spot to start climbing over
>Walk up to the main gate and think that the big ass lock on the door might be a good foothold to start climbing
>Jiggly the lock to see of it will hold my weight
>Lock pops open
>Some autistic teacher must not have secured the lock
>New plan in action
>Yell in my big, booming, and thicc voice for my squad to circle up around me
>Tell them I'm going to let school out early and to be ready for the chaos
>Tell them that our escape window (Based on how far away the nearest teachers where) was about 10 seconds so we all needed to stay close and keep a meat shield of other students behind us
>Tell them one single phrase I will never forget
>"Bring me the troops"
>My squad fans out around the school yard and I shit you not within 30 seconds they've comeback with half of the school surrounding me
>I raise my fist into the air, chant some rebellious shit I saw in a movie, say "ARE YOU WITH ME" at 10000 decibels
>"I get a YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so loud that I know I am the biggest nigga
>Letsfuckingdothis.hype
>Walk up to the lock and call for my squad to form a circle around me
>Undo the chain around the lock
>Break up the circle around me and drop the lock on the floor in front of my worshipers
>Freedom awaits
>Walk up to the 20 foot gate and push it open
>Jailbroken.avi
>Slide through the small crack in the fence (It was a big ass fence I wasn't going to open it all the way)
>Standing on the other side of the fence I take a bow
>Walk up to the gate to release all my comrades
>Teacher inbound
>Shit
>Shit
>Shit
>Abort.text
>Realize I'm not going to make it
>Stand outside the fence like I don't give a fuck
>"ANON JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOUR IN BIG TROUBLE THIS TIME"
>On my way in the gate I click the lock back around the chain and nobody notices
>Walk into the principal's office like a mother fucking beast
>"Um anon how did you get on the other side of the gate"
>IQ.999 activate
>"That's for me to know and you to question"
>Edge=infinite
>The principal just stares at me
>You know how in the movie Now You See Me that one leader guy of the 4 horsemen goes on that rant while he's being interrogated? Ya that was me right then as my edge goes absolutely ape shit and I say something along the lines of:
>"You can put me in this office but sooner or later you always going to have to let me go. And the second I get out of the confines of this office I'm thinking 100 miles a minute about what I'm going to do next, and once I have a plan in motion nobody's going to stop me except myself. Not you, not iguana, (She'll be in another story) and certainly not any of the other teachers. And you might have thought you stopped me today, but you did exactly what I wanted to, so if you really want to try and stop me, then try me. But I'm warning you now, that at no time will any of the staff, students, or you be ANYWHERE other than where I want them to be. So come at me, lock me in this office, keep me in this chair; because you can't scare people like me"
>Silence.mp3
>I stand up and walk to my next class
>And that is why I will always be the biggest nigga whom ever lived
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You guys want me to do more? 3rd and 4th grade me was a fucking beast.
Edit: Fixed some spelling issues and shit

Originally posted by IDKBacon(ILY Dad):

>be me
>don't have a lot of money
>have disposable wardrobe
>be a master of ingenuity
>be a really fucking horny teenager
>frequent pornhub
>mom says: "Bacon, you know that belt that was a bit big on you"
>"yes"
>"I found it"
>ohshit.jpg
>"I gave it to goodwill"
>mfw I used that belt as a makeshift sex toy

Dam some kid gonna be happy when he gets that outa the bargin bin.

Originally posted by Phreya™:

But marrying kids is illegal. How about you marry each other instead.

Begone thot

narrow save, you nearly went out with someone who doesnt get thanos jokes. marry the kid with the backpack instead. at least he's civilised and has a cool backpack.

This is the greatest comment I have ever read in my entire life.
Edit: We shall purge the universe of thots as one, my brotha. +rep.