Recent reviews by everythingexcepthavefun

Why would you ever make a game about driving cars have such ♥♥♥♥♥♥ handling for cars. Like do you have any idea of how ♥♥♥♥ the turning is? You can't turn on a dime, you can't even drift. The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ keys that supposedly mess with the transmission don't do ♥♥♥♥.
This is genuinely some of the worst driving in any video game series ever. Like you can't even make it simple, it's rng and nonsense. Practice doesn't mean ♥♥♥♥ because it doesn't matter how well you drive the game just screws you over repeadedly. It's not a difficult game, it's just rng garbage with cars that slide around like they're on an air hockey table.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dog water game

Okay? Watch Dogs 2 has the same ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ issue of competing drivers being on magnetic ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tracks that you can't ram into to knock them out, but when ai hits me I go ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ skidding which is retarded.
The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ racing missions is geuinely the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing ever because not only do you don't have any chance of getting first placce, but you can't see the other drivers on the minimap other than the first 4 cars which is retarded on top of the fact that it rubber bands the drivers behind you do catch up with you.
I'm literally watching the ai gain speed from nowhere and passing me despite the fact I am literally going so fast I cannot ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ turn.

I either turn too much or not at all, and it's inconsistent to the point where if I want not crash I fail the objective.
Why is it made this way? Why can't you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ be ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to fix your game instead of just bumping up the graphics and still have ♥♥♥♥ like police cars literally falling off of buildings because they spawned on the roof.
Like are you retarded?
The only reason i failed the mission is because police cars literally fell out of the sky.
What kind of ♥♥♥♥ game does that kind of stuff?

Saints Row III?
Borderlands III??
Mafia III???

If I see them materialize in front of me that is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game.
This is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game.
Why do you make it so tedious to do basic things.
"Lower the difficulty"
Why does playing on a harder difficulty make it impossible to win the race legitamately?
Why does lowering the difficulty make police cars not spawn out of thin air and not show up on the minimap?
are you retarded?
Maybe don't rig the game in the first place.

If you do nothing and just park the car in the road your car explodes because the ai isn't allowed to overlap you. This is retarded. Lose if you lose, and lose if you don't.
There's no winning.
The race car can't reverse.
The race car can't drive on grass or dirt it just swerves out of control if you even so much as graze it.
The ai can shove you into the wall or into the dirt and grass. You can't do ♥♥♥♥ to the ai because even if you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ram into them and flip them over the game just respawns them.

This is not a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ racing game.
This is not a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ driving game.
But that's all you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ do.
There's no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ shoot outs.
There's no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ brawl fights.
This is a peice of ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game.

It doesn't bode well when the achievement completion rate for a game is this low, for the kind of game it is.
It is a game heavily inspired by Animal Crossing. It does things better than Animal Crossing, it does things worse. The one thing it gets rid of is having to play the game in real-time to progress. And with that said it's incredibly strange that most players stop playing the game after building their first house which is about a couple hours into the game at most.

The progression makes sense for the most part, but certain things are overpowered compared to how you would obtain certain resources otherwise. Fishing gives you a lot of basic resources like wood, stone, and coal. And it even replenishes your bait used for the most part. But having to manually go around an crop trees is quite tedious, but that's a gimmie compared to other games where you harvest trees for resources.
It's just that this game gives you a very free way of obtaining wood as well as making money.

Money isn't an issue like most other Animal Crossing like games. The main issue I mainly had was storage. As well as placing items being quite honestly annoying because of the different shapes of items, as well as not being able to place items even if there is space to place it, as well as being able to place items when there isn't space to place them.
It's very inconsistent and makes creating certain layouts either tedious or impossible. If you want to place an item behind another, most likely you won't be able to because the interaction hitbox is the physical model of said item rather than the tile outline that item occupies for whatever reason.

This game very much embraces the psychotic ideologies or theories people sumize about Animal Crossing. You cannot say no to anything. If you are tasked with something you will have to do it. You cannot overfish, you cannot over catch bugs, they are an infinite resource that respawns constantly. You will always be able to get a treasure snag on each cast. You will always be able to catch a butterfly even if you miss the first swing. You can dig holes, and not fall in them. You can magically teleport to each load zone even if the teleporter is literally right next to the load zone you want to go to making it utterly useless.

There is a subtle, yet underlying, unhinged quality to this game. Maybe it's the fact you can dye yourself a neon red and stand out like a cherry red tomato as you stand ominously in a bush. Maybe its the fact the villagers don't react to being pushed around or you barging into their house in the dead of night and sleeping in their bed without permission. Maybe it's the fact if you get the angle just right you can shove a villager partway into the floor. Maybe it's the fact you can plant trees clipping into the rock walls enclosing your encampment.

There is a lot of liminal qualities that I cannot decide is the result of lack of features or pure intent. The achievements aren't all that difficult either. You just wait three days and harvest minerals to upgrade your tools and then buy more houses. This isn't the most ambitious game, but there is very little to mess up. This is very much a game meant for children.

Elden Ring is a game that has one fixed difficulty. The playing experience is identical for all levels of play whether people agree with that or not. This does not mean however that the game is all very balanced for all levels of play. I'd say there's a problem with balancing or power scaling that quite honestly could use some tweaking, but there are mods that somewhat fixes it.

It's strange to me the sheer amount of nonsense that is in this game that is both really fun and really not all that fun. It's quite honestly all over the place. Some bosses are piss easy and don't take all that much effort to kill while others have undodgeable 1 hit ko's and full heals and other things that are quite honestly unfair to fight against.

It's very much the Rock Paper Scissors approach to balancing which is quite honestly ridiculous because in order to beat certain enemies that have resistances or certain move sets, you just need to grind runes somewhere else. If there was more freedom in approach the base game would be a lot more fun. Especially if there's just some overpowered item that just counters a boss or overpowered build that has very few weaknesses. I don't like playing the meta. And I don't like min maxing a build. I would like to have a little more freedom in approach rather than being forced to put a couple points in faith to use magic because the area I'm in all enemies are only weak to magic.

The seemless coop mod adds quite a bit of QOL fixes such as being able to use ashes in more areas rather than in boss rooms only. As well as replenishing your flasks when you teleport rather than requiring you to sit at grace the moment after you teleport to it. Like little things like that go a long way, but for the most part the scope of this game is giant, so it's expected to have a lot of cracks. I don't quite agree with the weight of certain objects, as well as being unable to craft items you have the recipe/cookbooks for, for some bs reason like even if the host has the books, playing in singleplayer can craft those recipes, but in coop with that host can't it's just quite honestly infuriating because there's not much information about it.
But the one upside being I get 500 free runes everytime the host sits at grace.
I dunno dude.

There's a lot of good, there's a lot of meandering, and there's a couple interactions just seem unfair which is quite honestly the point of this game. There are a lot of undeserved deaths, there are a lot of undeserved spares, you die when you probably shouldn't and live when you probably shouldn't've. It's just that kind of game. You find the next upgrade to your build, and then cheese the area where you were stuck. It's straight forward in that sense. I just think the learning curve could be a lot smoother than it is.

Some bosses react to staggers and act like they have a stamina meters while others just seem to have an immunity to staggering and infinite stamina. It's strange because a lot of bosses seem to have given more thought and care than others. It's really strange. But It almost basically balances out.
4/5

I can see why it got game of the year but it could still use some improvement.
There's a lot of whimsy in this game that I find really entertaining.

It took me a moment to understand the navigation system but I love Sudoku and this game is a good way to get my fix.
The fact the game called me a "♥♥♥♥♥♥" 20 minutes in caught me off guard but for the most part once you get all the relics the game is a breeze because enemies are a non threat, the only thing that suffers is your combo if you're trying to get stars.
An interesting approach to gameplay.
Strange to have item limits.
I don't think I've used any items.
I've just accumulated a lot of them.

I'm torn because there seems to be a very strong story being told with an incredible art direction, but the game fundamentally is flawed, as a game.

The combat is quite frankly the worst part of this game, it adds very little in my opinion, but mainly with how limited and clunky the movement while in combat feels. I can't really move the camera and am forced to look at the most recent enemy to engage me which makes taking on more than one enemy very difficult for I cannot get in more than one swing in at a time.
I don't understand why it was designed like this. The game seems scared to embrace a more souls-like approach to combat. Being unable to swap targets is quite honestly the death of the system. Even allowing me to move my mouse to change the camera focus doesn't seem to do anything. The combat isn't difficult or anything, but simply tedious and boring.

I'm mainly marking this review as not recommended because despite my attempts to optimize the graphics, nothing seems to help. There are constant frame stutters in certain moments which really ruin the mood. Playing on the lowest settings and even optimizing the graphics card specifically for this game has done very little other than make the game look worse, but still lag. I don't know what's causing it. And I don't know how to fix it so I don't think I will, which is a shame.

The game mechanic of trying to find environmental silhouettes is interesting, especially because you're supposed to hear the wails of the damned when you get close, but I cannot for the life of me find the solution on the watch tower. The good 20 minutes has been sunk into trying to find this darn thing. I only get the overlay while I'm up there but I only hear the voices when I'm on the ground. Restarting the game doesn't make it clearer, and lining the icon with what looks like it should be the answer does nothing.

I'm really disappointing because I'm missing out on a very artsy game and I can't experience it like at all.

You should play this game but only if you can get past the accessibility issues this game has.
This is a fun game for the most part but there are many issues with it, which probably have been fixed in the sequel. It's an okay game for 5 bucks.

The main issue, or one of the main issues I have with this game, is that you cannot lock onto enemies. I find myself in middle of hoardes constantly and being unable to finish off enemies that are low is really infuriating because the game seems to arbitrarily target random enemies, adjacent to how close they are to you. Sometimes they target the enemies about to swing at you, sometimes the game lunges at an enemy behind every other one. And since there aren't many controls, attempts to do specific actions become difficult because actions like vaulting over an enemy, climbing a wall, as well as dodge rolling take the same button input.

The second issue I have with this game which is present in similar games is enemies spawning in the moment you look away, you can see enemies spawn in the distance, you can see enemies spawn out of thin air, you can witness enemies clown car spawning from around the corner.
This is Saints Row the Third levels of being able to watch enemies spawn out of thin air, This is Just Cause 4 levels of enemies spawning and walking out of the walls when there's nowhere they can spawn from.

You can just run away and climb something and they lose line of sight, but it's ridiculous the sheer amount of enemies that just come out of nowhere to where sometimes you have no breathing room. It's even more ridiculous with the captains, because the game consistently spawns the same ones over and over again. It doesn't matter if you never leave the area where you encounter them, they just seem to show up again.
It's even sillier when the game spawns multiple captains or chiefs or whatever the official term is for them.

There's no restart mission option, you can only fail it and have to run back to where the mission starts.
It's only ever annoying for missions where you have very niche bonus objectives, but really unfair for stealth missions where the start just has multiple enemies standing next to each other that makes you fail if you engage at all with those enemies as well as having a ring you can't exit or else you fail the mission so you can't despawn and respawn those enemy placements and are just better off manually abandoning the mission and re-engaging it so it has a cleaner start to it.

It's fun I suppose mindlessly executing uruk after uruk in a never ending splew of enemies, but the re-enforcement mechanic is quite honestly ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ because some enemies have to run to a horn and others just have one on them at all times.
I personally like brutalizing enemies and chaining brutalizations because they all run and scatter like ants and I can just freely roam the area as long as I don't get close to uruks that failed to witness brutalizations.

There's also not much point the the stun combo or killing uruks while you're down because you will never be able to finish those combos while taking on more than one at once. Even the absorb and grab stabs are hard to complete given that even if you aren't the one taking hits it still can cancel you attempt to do so.

The only saving grace this game has is uruks dying the instant there's no ground below them.
Grapping then and tossing them off ledges, pushing them, backing them off a cliff, punching them to falling backwards, etc. However a lot of the time it won't register stuns or pushes and quite honestly is inconsistent in what it takes to manouver a hostage because sometimes it does exactly what I think it would and other times does the exact opposite because you're supposed to hold the hostage opposite to the direction you move, as well as throw the hostage in whatever direction you look rather than move, but the game seems to get confused sometimes.

The combat is very limited to your sword (hand to hand), bow (long distance), and dagger (stealth). There are environmental things you can engage with but they don't respawn until you leave the area, and if that don't work, advance time, For enemies that have fears you can't capitalize on them half the time because nothing spawned that takes advantage of it.

In the future, if there are more accessibility updates and some less random, optimizations to how things spawn in, this would be a lot easier to play without having to download a mod to let your toggle your flashlight in order to not waste it.
Also if you could press number keys instead of using the scroll wheel to swap items, as well as the hitbox of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hairbrush not being the same size as the metal sheet would be pretty cool.

Fun with friends. Gay with 2 people.
Play with at least three, or else you ain't getting those beehives.

It was fun ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ around but got stale pretty quick given you have to wait around for stuff to happen.
I spent quite a bit of time exploding paint tubes and made the studio look like a murder scene and simply sold paintings that were hundreds of dollars worth of ink exploded onto them.

This game very much wants you to pass the threshold where you can no longer refund it.
The professional achievements are a waste of time given how jank and inconsistent the phsyics are in this game.
There's only 4 levels and only 2 of them require a brain to beat. The others are very much able to be beaten with very minimal effort.
The level 974 is a non threat when you figure out you can trap the entity in one of the rooms and wander mindlessly through the maze. This level is a blatant way to extend the playtime of the game, if the previous dark level wasn't already clear enough.
You cannot run while holding items, and the items you hold mess with your movement in general because you gain speed, as the item does, but you gain negative speed, and the item gains so much speed it can clip through solid objects. And if this does happen while playing this level, you will have to restart because simply walking into the backpacks, which is a stolen asset from FNAF Security Breach, can cause them to clip through the walls of the level and become inaccessible to beat the level.

This has very little class to it, and it is just preying on two of the biggest meme trends of the "Backrooms" and "Skibidi Toilet" The Skibidi in this game sucks. They don't even have toilets. The player models are lazy the hats dont even go on the heads properly.
The first level is very similar to every other backrooms game.
The second level was an interesting idea, but was executed poorly. Lowering the saturation to make the colors all the same except for red is a good idea, but having it so you cannot navigate properly while holding colored boxes was a poor choice given you cannot see where you're going on top of already having limited visibility.

If there were more levels, or at least refining the levels that are already in the game, it could be a decent title for a dollar, but it plays like a free game that isn't a free game and you should refund the game if you don't plan on playing it again.

A very fun party game.
I remember the demo/beta builds from the same time as games like Goat Simulator and Surgeon Sim were prominent as were other goofy ragdoll physics games.

Sad they removed the ability to make rat burgers. You can set rats on fire to kill them but they removed the open world chasing rats around to cook and serve them to customers.

The game is okay, but muddled by the limitations of certain map features. The pizza sim only has one oven and you can only manouver one pizza at a time with the paddle and there's always 6 customers which is really not very proportional to the hot dog shack where you have two grills and only 4 customers. There probably should've been more options for each area regarding the degrees of variation, but it's quite honestly fun for a free game.